Today America goes to the polls to decide who will be their President for the next four years. More importantly IGN recently hosted the video game equivalent, and the candidate that came out on top was Nathan Drake. Let’s take a look at his likely stances on some of the big issues, were he to be President of the United States of America (because this can only end well)… [slightly spoilery]

Foreign Policy

President Drake is a well-travelled man; we have seen him in places as scattered as Panama, Turkey, Borneo, Nepal, Yemen and the United Kingdom. It was during a spell of convalescence for the First Lady that we saw the President take the time to absorb some of the culture and language of his host nation; Tibet. However, his attitude towards that which does not interest him has been poor at best. It is as a direct result of his actions that a multi-period French Chateau dating back to the time of the Crusades was destroyed by fire, and a large portion of the wall of a castle in Syria (a popular tourist attraction) has collapsed.

His attitude towards people of different nationalities is consistent; if they are firing a gun at him he will shoot back; if they are patching him up in the comfort of their own home, he will show gratitude. That he has friends from all around the world shows that neither language nor culture is a barrier to how President Drake sees you.

Home Affairs

President Drake has few ties to his homeland. Although his accent tells us he is an American, there is little else about him that would define him as such. His best friend and oldest companion, Mr Victor Sullivan, and his wife; First Lady Elena Fisher may hail from the United States themselves, but little else grounds him there. In fact, we have almost never seen him on home soil, except for a short stint in the apartment of Mr Sullivan following his dubious release from jail in Turkey. His interest in the affairs of his fellow Americans seem minimal, and it makes me wonder why he would even bother to run for President.

Justice

During Drake’s career as ‘Professional Fortune Hunter’ he has had to deliver justice many times, and often at a moment’s notice. It is these incidents that really let you understand how a man thinks, and I believe this will give a good indication on how he handles situations in his latest venture. Consider how he dealt with the people that he found himself up against in his two most recently publicised ventures; when it came to it he spared Zoran Lazarevic the final blow. He also attempted to save the life of a woman who had previously jeopardised his personal safety on many previous occasions.

Seems only fair…

The number of people that President Nathan Drake kills in order to get to his goal has often been cited as a stain on his character. However, I would argue that he shows mercy and fairness when put in difficult situations. He may take a long time to get around to the ‘good side’ but when called upon to do so he makes good decisions.

His attitude to ownership is a little ‘out there’; he takes what he likes, whether he is the legal owner or not. It isn’t enough to want something more than another; if it isn’t yours, it is theft. This includes artefact provenance; just because something has not yet been officially discovered does not make you the rightful owner. Finders are not always keepers.

The Economy

President Drake’s career has been built around trying to make money out of things he finds. It is a little more complicated than this; for example he intends to use money he makes to fund future projects, thus displaying an intention to reinvest and develop. But this is a moot point as he never comes out a penny richer. The one time he did manage to make some money it mysteriously disappeared around the time of his release from that Turkish prison. Few see the timing as a coincidence.

It should also be stated that his line of work is anything but lucrative; even on the best days. A recent study suggests that looters (and I use that term with thought) make, on average, less than 1% of the final sale price of artefacts taken.

On the plus side, his methods do save the employer the hassle of paying their staff; dead men cannot demand wages. So. Every cloud.

Health

The risk to his own life and limb should be seen as indicative of the lack of care and forethought that we can expect under the tenure of Drake. We know him to be an avid climber, fighter and weapons enthusiast. Luck will only get him so far. One false move and he is dead. Is this really the quality that we want from a President? If, however, we consider his risks to be calculated; perhaps we have a very clever man in charge?

“Wait; this *isn’t* a good idea?”

But look at his general lack of concern for his basic needs. When did you last see him eat? If I remember correctly is was when he was fourteen years old; nearly twenty one years ago. When his friend Chloe Fraser complained of hunger, did they stop to attend to this need? No. Basic needs are ignored, but it cannot be denied that President Drake takes care of his fitness; one need only take a look at his physique to know that here is a man that treats his body as a temple. Perhaps we can expect his policies on health to be much of a muchness. I envisage gyms on every street corner rather than sandwich shops.

Employment

My belief is that with Nathan Drake as our President, the state of our employment will not improve. Here is a man who sticks with people that he knows, and even then doesn’t seem to be able to spot those that are prime candidates for stabbing him in the back. His methods do not give me hope of much knowledge of or care for the basic rights of workers; see Chloe Fraser and the lack of lunch breaks.

On the plus side; if you are into mercenary work you will almost certainly be in a job. Until your President shoots you in the face.

Education

President Drake has demonstrated very little interest in the traditional education system; preferring to teach himself from his early teens. While this has the advantage of allowing him to learn that which he needs to know, it does have the knock-on effect of having very little knowledge outside of his own sphere. While he can recognise Tudor brickwork at a passing glance he cannot tell you the main characters of Shakespeare plays. We caught up with his friend Charlie Cutter who informs us that he “doesn’t even know where Buckland Abbey is, or what it is!”

While these things aren’t going to affect his ability to do his job as President, one does worry that his stance on education needs to be a little more liberal. I only hope that while the mainstream education system failed him, he can see its worth for others.

Women’s Issues

Nathan Drake likes women. His attitude towards them makes me fairly certain that women need not worry that their views or needs will be ignored or stifled under his leadership. While President Drake has been known to make dangerous situations even more so, and thus place his (female) companions in more peril than was entirely necessary; his motives have been misguided attempts at chivalry. But never has he underestimated the skills and capabilities of the women around him (other than a stray “good girl!” to his now First Lady several years ago). He may keep a notebook with several phone numbers, but  we needn’t worry; a binder would take forethought and organisation.

To sum up…

With Nathan Drake as President we are all screwed.